7 Tips on How to Steer Clear of Being a “Yes” Man

quantum booksCan you help me with this? Yes.

Do you like my new haircut? Yes!

Do you always say yes? Yes.

Should you be such a people-pleaser? No!

Not at all!

You might face this at work, at home, or even in your social circle. Being a “yes” man or “yes” woman does more bad than good if you consider your own needs. The faithful “yes” attitude indicates that you keep your relationship one-way. You might love the acceptance and approval you get by making them happy or always being there for someone. However, what about your own needs? What about your respect? Most importantly, what about your own happiness?

Say the two-letter word and give yourself freedom to choose your own path!

Here’s how you can bring yourself to say “no” more often to avoid being crushed and walked over by people all the time.

1) Recognize This Problem: Many times, people don’t even realize that they are “yes” men or “yes” women. They might believe that they are just being kind, obedient, and likable by saying “yes” all the time. Think about how many times you said “no” to someone in the past few days. How about the past week? This doesn’t have to be a verbal “no”. It could have been a, “Sorry, I am a bit busy right now”, “Okay, talk to me about this later”, or “I think you should try another one”. If you find that your “no” or rejections are exceedingly infrequent, you might be someone people pretend to like, but in reality, don’t like at all: people pleasers! Once you have recognized this problem, attempt to change it!

2) Think before You Answer: Whenever someone asks you close-ended question, think before you speak. Someone might ask you to do them a favor with a little butter on top of their words. Beware of these situations! It might not be something you want to get into and will probably regret later on. Give yourself a minute, or more, to think about your decision. You don’t have to say “no” right away if the action needs some thought or time to consider. Ask the person to give you some time so that you can ponder over your choice later on. At least it’s better than saying yes! They might even take it as a “no” and resort to someone else if the errand is urgent.

3) Put Yourself First: This isn’t going to be the best advice in every situation. But let’s just say that putting others first in every situation won’t be great either. Sometimes, or maybe most of the time, you have to put yourself first. It’s a basic survival instinct human’s are born with to protect themselves in hostile environments. In doing so, they learn how to be strong, resilient, and build a place for themselves in society. Have your own plan to follow, schedule to attend to, and tasks “to-do”. Don’t let others dictate your life.

4) Look at the Positive Aspect of a “No”: Your “no” can be disappointing for someone at the time. However, consider what would happen if you say “yes” and aren’t able to deliver? That would do more harm than good to the relationship because you haven’t clarified expectations. The “yes” man can’t possibly say “yes” to everyone and give them what they want. Clearly, everyone is human and has limited mental and physical capabilities. The “no” you said earlier would be less disappointing than a failure to deliver, arrive, or do something you promised you would.

5) Just Be Honest: “Yes” people are not being honest with themselves or others. If you catch yourself saying “yes” or “okay” to everything, you are actually getting into a bad habit of lying. In the long-term. people will realize that you aren’t honest and upfront about your own thoughts which can be quite disappointing for them. If they think you are always trying to please them by telling them what they want to hear, they might pass you off as someone untrustworthy and fake. Eventually, they won’t be hanging around or asking you close-ended questions anymore.

6) Don’t be Sorry: So what if you don’t like someone’s new haircut? So what if you have another commitment and you can’t do a favor in the given time? Hey, you are only human! Why should you be sorry for saying “no” to something by being clear or honest? It’s not your fault. You’re not going to jail. So, don’t feel guilty about your decision. Remember, the right kind of people prefer honesty and forthrightness to dishonesty or deceitfulness.

7) Recognize that there is always a choice: If someone is asking you, evidently you have more than one option. Understand that the person is giving you a choice not a command! And you are your own judge of what’s best for you.

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