Top Ten Effective Job Interview Tips

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Today, I’m going to show you how to get the job you want with ten sure-fire job interview tips.

Tip number one.

Remember, every question is a test. So when they say, “How are you?” reply, “Goal orientated, thank you.”

Tip number two.

Be confident but subtle. Tap flattering comments about yourself in Morse code on the desk with a pen.

Tip number three.

Tell them you’re not an applicant, you’re an appli-CAN. For added effect, lick your finger, hold it against your buttock and make a sizzling noise.

Tip number four.

When asked why you’d be suited to the job, pass an ancient scroll along the desk and say… “It was foretold.” Then stare at them solemnly for five minutes.

Tip number five.

Provide reliable references from close associates to promote your skill set.

Tip number six.

Come to the interview with visual aids that will highlight your specific talents.

Tip number seven.

Make yourself seem important by placing a bank of microphones on the desk and leaning into them when answering questions.

Tip number eight.

Show that you’re good at delegating responsibility by sending someone else to the interview.

Tip number nine.

Show you’ll give 110% by pouring 10% too much water into your glass. Smile knowingly.

Tip number ten.

Guarantee a second interview by turning up to your first interview with an owl on your arm and not mentioning it until the second interview.

And those are your ten sure-fire job interview tips.

You’re very welcome!

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